From Renter to Homeowner: Tackling Major Goals Starts with the Smallest Steps

Today marks the third week since I officially became a homeowner. I have to admit that it feels great to have accomplished this major life goal. LYJ blogger Suzanne Grossman encouraged me to post some reflections on the process that translate to setting long-term career goals:

• The first step in moving forward on your goal is simply to state it out loud and then share it with your network. When I moved into my apartment three and a half years ago, I told my friends that it would be the last apartment in which I lived—the next place would be a place of my own. This set me on my path to home ownership even before I had saved the first dollar of the down payment.

• Do your research and mobilize your resources. Real estate is a language unto itself—I had to learn the lingo. I logged countless hours watching “House Hunters” and “Property Virgins” on HGTV, I read a couple of books and stayed on top of The Washington Post’s weekly Real Estate section, and I talked to friends who had recently bought homes in the area (my new home ownership mentors). In my case, I embarked on this goal with my husband, so I had to take inventory of what we could each contribute (financially and emotionally) to the process. When approaching a major career goal, researching the field, the steps you need to take, and who can help you get there will be key to your success.

• Create a visual reminder of your goal. Earlier this year, I placed two important items on my fridge: 1) a wipe board where I simply wrote my savings goal, two pieces of furniture I want to buy for the new house, and the phrase, “Buy a house,” and 2) a photo of a house in one of our target neighborhoods and in our price range. Despite the numerous types of homes we viewed, the house we bought actually looks very similar to the house that adorned our fridge for many months. Whether you enjoy making crafty collages or prefer a simple approach, an informal “vision board” can do wonders (and perhaps stir a little magic) in helping you stay focused to accomplish your goal.

• Be patient and persistent—you’re in it for the long haul. My home ownership plan became a two-year process full of many small, weekly steps. I monitored my credit score, researched the price ranges for different neighborhoods, set up an ING savings account and made automatic monthly contributions into my “house fund,” identified my realtor, viewed properties, etc. When I first started, I probably spent about an hour or two each week on this project; in the final three months of the process, I spent 30-90 minutes each day. It certainly took a level of dedication and focus, but it was do-able. I often acted on the good advice fellow LYJ bloggers have suggested of tackling one thing a day. 

What can you start doing today that will get you where you want to be in two or three years?

Week 2 of the Negotiation Gym

From Ask For It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want, by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever.

Week two and we’re starting to stretch. The goal for this week is setting a high target. Choose small things that aren’t that important to you. Determine the most you think you can get. Now double that. 

Here are the examples from the book:

If you’ve been planning to offer 10% less for an item in a second-hand or antiques shop, see if you can get it for 20% less. Do you want to ask for a few days off? Ask for a week off plus another week for the holidays. Need a new office chair? Ask for the chair and new blinds for the windows.

The second part of this week’s exercise is the giggle test: ask for as much as you can without giggling, blushing, stammering or exhibiting your own personal nervous tic. Figure out your give away—your behavioral cues—and work to not give yourself away.

Good luck gym rats! Oh yeah, tell me what you’re asking for before the end of the week to inspire me.

Week 1 of the Negotiation Gym, Warm Up and Sum Up

Even week one started out hard.

Like I mentioned before, I see myself as self-reliant and independent, so it was difficult to think of things to even ask for. But once I practiced a couple of times, it did get a little easier and I started identifying more opportunities. I think the self-reliant self-concept (like the obsession with being perfect) can be a trap for women in different ways. We let it sap too much of our time and energy, we spend time doing things we could easily delegate to others, and we let it get too wrapped up in our sense of self, so when we aren’t perfect or self-reliant, we take it too personally. I’ll never be Blanche from A Street Car Named Desire, but I did manage to ask every day of the week for something.

Here’s what I asked for:

1. I asked my husband to help clean up the kitchen
2. I asked the executive assistant in the office to get my printer working (this was dicey for me since she’s older than me, I’m new in the office, and I’ve never had an assistant before)
3. I asked the assistant I share with several other editors to send me the documents I was missing
4. I asked to get a flu shot through the office even though I’m a temporary employee
5. I asked for more hot water for my tea at brunch (you can laugh, but I never do!)
6. I asked to be seated before our whole party had arrived (this is the only one I struck out with)
7. I asked a friend and her new boyfriend to help me get my stuff out of storage and drive from NJ to NYC with it
8. While waiting on line, I asked a stranger if she had a mint or gum
9. I asked a stranger to help me get my bag down from the overhead rack
    

Everything I asked for was pretty small, but in some cases it was still a surprise when people said yes. And it was a good feeling to speak up and affect what happened to me and my environment, even in a small way.

Anyone else give it a try? What happened?

Guest Post: 8 Tips for Jobseekers (From Someone Who Just Got One!)

Hi, my name is Pam and I was a student in Suzanne’s Love Your Job Search course in the early fall. I had just gotten back from teaching in Japan through the JET Programme and was looking for a job for almost four months. Last week, I finally found my dream job, working in university student services. Here are a few things I learned along the way…

1. Know your weaknesses and strengths. This is something we focused on during the LYJ class. I’m pretty good at writing (solid cover letter/résumé- check!) and I have a good amount of experience and demonstrated interest in my field. But I would get really flustered and tongue-tied when trying to present myself in person.
2. Practice, practice, practice. Because I knew I stank at interviewing, I found a list of practice interview questions, wrote out answers to each one (this took a few days), practiced out loud in front of a mirror (yeah, it’s pretty awkward). Then, I asked my sisters and friends to mock interview me. The first time, it was embarrassing and nerve-wracking, but eventually I got a lot better. (For help, check Chapter 9 of the Idealist’s Guide to Careers in Non-Profits for First Time Job Seekers – an excellent resource!)
3. Do research on them (but no need to go overboard). You definitely want to go in with a list of thoughtful questions to show your interest in the position. I had interviews where they asked me two questions and the rest of the interview was pretty much all me. However, don’t do what I did- I asked one interviewer about a specific article he had written. It turned out okay, but he could have easily pegged me as a creepy Google stalker.
4. Don’t forget that thank you note! I used to send pretty handwritten notes, but Suzanne suggested type-written letters on nice paper for formal interviews. I’ve tried to send them within 2-3 days- just enough time to write something coherent but soon enough where they don’t forget who I am.
5. Be picky. Don’t just choose a job because it pays well or you feel like you really need to work right this second. Do it because you know this is the right job for you. I found a job after looking for about 2 months. The people were super nice, the pay was decent, and it seemed like a good job. The thing is, I had interviewed for my dream position and hadn’t heard back for about 3 weeks. So I emailed the dream office and told them about the job offer. Immediately, they offered a second interview. It wasn’t a sure bet, but I decided to politely decline the first offer to get a chance at the job I really wanted. It ended up working out, but even if it hadn’t, I think it still would have been the right decision.
6. Do informational interviews. Lots of them! The JET Program Alumni Association asked me to interview people in my field (university administration/international education) to post on their blog, JETWit. Suzanne was also nice enough to recommend a few of her contacts. There are tons of ways to find people to talk to. Make sure to ask the all-important question: “Who else would you recommend that I speak to?”
7. Reach out to your references/former co-workers/friends/family. First off, make sure you have 3 up-to-date references that know about your current job search. Next, don’t be afraid to let everyone know that you’re looking for work. Make sure you tell them specifically what kinds of jobs you’re searching for. I got an interview because a college friend of my high school friend had an opening in her office.
8. Make yourself busy. Treat “funemployment” like a self-improvement vacation. When else will you have this much free time? Get involved with your alumni association, hang out with your friends (lunch break date, anyone?), do volunteer work, go to conferences, take classes (like Love Your Job!). I was lucky enough to have a pretty good amount of savings to rely on but there’s tons of free stuff to do too. I loved going to the book buffet (a.k.a. my local library) and catching up on all the reading I never had time to do. I also finally got my email inbox to zero- and am trying to keep it there.
9. (Bonus) While you have the time, get your personal finances in order. I recommend Ramit Sethi’s book, I Will Teach You to Be Rich. You can get it from the library or check out his blog. It’s a fun read and he gives you solid advice that you can put into action right away.

If you have any tips or advice that you’ve learned in your own job search process, please let me (and everyone) know by posting in the Comments section. Arigatou (“Thanks” in Japanese)!

Week 1 of the Negotiation Gym

From Ask For It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want, by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever.

 This first week, we’re asking for things we think we can get and just warming up. 

Ask for at least one thing every day of the week.

Ask for something you’d like to get but won’t care much if you don’t.

Ask for something from a complete stranger, someone who doesn’t know you and whom you’ll probably never see again.

Ask for something you feel comfortable asking for, where doing so doesn’t make you anxious.

Ask for something that you know will be easy for the other side to give you.

In each case, state your request simply and then wait for the answer. Try to conceal that you’re nervous (if you are). Page 219 of the hardcover.

 This week it’s easy, but read the book to get ready for what’s coming up.

 Here are some examples:

Ask to leave work early

Ask for a frequent-customer discount at a store

Ask a partner or a friend to do something for you (share responsibilities for an event, pick up your kids, cook dinner, do chores)

Ask if you can get the floor model at a discounted price

Bonus question 1

What are you asking for? When I started it was hard to even jumpstart my brain into thinking of things to ask for. I pride myself on being independent and self-reliant, so at first I felt like I was scrambling for things to ask for.

 
Bonus question 2
What are you doing to increase your sense of personal entitlment? In other words, the feeling and belief that you have the right to ask for or to do things and to have your needs fulfilled just as much as any other person (not less than your partner, your kids, your boss, or the guy sitting with his legs wide apart and taking up three subway seats).

Let the Games Begin!

Now that the NYC marathon is over (once again a source of inspiration) it’s time to warm up other muscles: our negotiation muscles.

Several of the bloggers here at LYJ recently read Ask For It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want, by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever. (While the book is probably most useful to women, I can think of some men who would benefit from it, and all men should read it to learn about the atrocious internalized sexism that is still rampant in our society. Don’t believe it? Neither did the authors, until they conducted some studies themselves.)

At the end of this book, the authors include a six-week exercise program that they call the “Negotiation Gym” so readers can put all their newly learned practical information to use. The authors suggest doing the exercises with a buddy, but I thought I’d do them one better and do it with an entire community—all of you here at LYJ. Accountability always helps to keep one on track, and I’ll admit some of the exercises make me break out in a cold sweat.

I’ll be posting a summary of the exercises here once a week and reporting on my workout at the end of the week. Some of the other LYJ bloggers and guests will also chime in, and I hope our readers are inspired—not just to join as at the “gym” but to tell us what happens when you do.

It’s a Marathon—Not a Sprint

Whenever I’m overwhelmed by a big task or project, my career coach often calms me down by stating: “It’s a marathon—not a sprint.” Although I’m not a runner—and I have a personal yogic philosophy opposed to pushing oneself to the limits—this metaphor works wonders for me. I have a good friend who trained for a marathon last year and I observed the daily dedication and discipline it took for her to work towards that goal. She would rotate a shorter run one day with a longer run the next, switching off running with strength training at the gym. And, once in a while, she would give herself some much-needed days off from physical training to rest and recuperate.

Working towards a long-term personal or career goal is no different. Similar to the great advice shared in the LYJ blog post, “One Thing a Day,” it’s helpful to think of our goals as something that require daily action broken into small, do-able steps.  Rotating 15 minutes of work one day with 30 minutes the next and switching between different activities can truly add up to big results. These small accomplishments set the stage for achieving the larger goal. It’s also important to not underestimate the reward of taking a day off for fun and reflection.  After all, it’s not worth sacrificing personal well-being in the process of achieving our dreams.

Introducing Yourself

Introductions are a great opportunity we often waste.

Opportunity: to give a vivid picture of who you are and what you do

Waste: not really communicating what you do and what you have to offer

What exactly do I mean? Here’s an example.

Stranger 1: Hi. I’m Shannon Lee.

Stranger 2: Hi. I’m Doug Forester. What do you do?

1: I’m a lawyer.

2: (Eyes glazed over.) Oh, that’s nice. There seem to be a lot of lawyers here tonight. I’m an engineer.

1: (No idea what Doug does all day) Oh. So, is this the first time you’ve come to this event?

Even though these two people told each other the basics, by resorting to labels, they didn’t communicate anything interesting about themselves and they missed an opportunity to connect on a deeper level or even to just have an interesting conversation. So what should they have done?

Stranger 1: Hi. I’m Shannon. Shannon Lee. (Repeating your first name will help the other person remember it better and will slow you down so that you speak more clearly.)

Stranger 2: Hi. I’m Doug Forester. What do you do?

1: I’m a lawyer. I work with people seeking asylum in the United States. In fact, just today, I learned that a woman from Peru that I’d been working with was granted asylum. Now she’ll be safe from her abusive husband who tried to kill her. (This time Shannon provided a short anecdote to create a picture and gave Doug more info that he can use to continue the conversation.)

2: Wow. That’s intense. How did you get involved in that type of work? (Hopefully they’ll go on to have an interesting conversation, about asylum cases, immigration, Peru or Latin America, domestic violence, politics, local related events, Shannon’s career path or anything else suggested by her anecdote.)

Maybe you’re not saving lives every day like Shannon, but that doesn’t mean your description of what you do for most of your waking hours has to be boring. In fact it shouldn’t be. You can always add an anecdote that will highlight your skills and competency. If you work in an office, tell how you solved a problem and what effect that had on people. If you work directly with people, you must have a million stories about daily interactions. Just remember to keep the focus positive and don’t tell stories that put other people in a negative light.

It can be hard to break out of the mold, when everyone else is doing the my name, my label routine, but it’s worth it.

If You Never Hear No, You’re Not Asking Enough

This is the title of the conclusion of Ask For It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want, by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever.

Many women, myself included, experience hearing “no” as negative. It resonated deeply with me that they flipped that upside down and made me look at “no” in a whole new way. In essence, the lack of “no” is now the negative experience, a signal of how women limit themselves by not even asking for the things they want. But they don’t just give you this information and expect it to change your life; no, in the section they call “Negotiation Gym” they set out exercises to stretch your negotiation muscles, including a whole week of getting yourself accustomed to hearing no—without charging it with a negative emotional weight.

The book is filled with information that incites these light bulb moments and has already inspired me to think bigger about asking, negotiating and imagining what I want. There’s also many persuasive statistics and illustrative anecdotes that got my mad up.

Stay tuned for further conversation about this book with the bloggers on LYJ.

Job Offers

Everyone wants job offers but sometimes you get an offer for a position you’re on the fence about. What do you do? This is the situation for one of my LYJ Search students. I found the following passages useful to consider if you find yourself in this fortunate position.

From the book: Interviewing and Salary Negotiation by Kate Wendleton of The Five O’Clock Club

Get a Job Offer

Sincerely intend to turn each interview into a solid job offer. Do your best to make the position and the pay into something acceptable. Make the most of each interview. Negotiate the changes in the job itself. Suggest additional things you can do for the company – jobs often can be upgraded a level or two. Or perhaps the manager could refer you to another area of the company. You should make every effort to turn an interview into a reasonable job offer.

• This is an opportunity to practice your negotiation skills and increase the number of interviews you turn into offers. You can always turn the job down later.

• Getting job offers helps your self-esteem. You can say you received a number of offers, but they didn’t seem right for you. This puts you in a stronger negotiating position.

• Even if you turn down an offer, stay friendly with the hiring manager. This may lead to another offer later that is more appropriate.

• When you get an offer you are not sure about, say that have a few other things you must attend to, but will get back to them in a week. Then contact other companies that were of real interest to you. Tell them you have received an offer but were hoping to work something out with them. They may tell you to take the other offer – or they may consider you more seriously because the other offer makes you more valuable. Sometimes knowing you got another offer is the only thing that will make a company act.

• You may be surprised: Perhaps what you originally found objectionable can be changed to your liking. If you end the process too early, you lose the possibility of changing the situation to suit you. Having a job created especially for you is the best outcome.