Don’t Ask How, Ask Why

Here’s a simple tool for when you find yourself stuck or frustrated with a goal in your life. Shift your focus temporarily from WHAT you want and HOW to get there to WHY you want it.

As an example, a friend of mine, Lindsay Nichols Estes, is working on growing her coaching practice. She re-energized herself with this question of WHY by coming up with the following:

WHY do I want to coach?
I want to coach because I love to help women and people to remember, learn or zero in on what they are passionate about, what they want to use their gifts and talents towards, and then help them to start going in that direction.

WHY do I want to coach?
I love connecting with people, collaborating, and working together on a common task. In this case I’m supporting the client to come up with what works for them, support, encourage and really dig into bite-size steps to make it happen or move through a transition and actually enjoy the process.

WHY do I want to coach?
I want to have the ability to work virtually and to work anywhere so I can support my value of relationship and connect with friends and family all over the world while still providing an awesome income for my family.

When we focus on the WHY, we remind ourselves of our gifts, mission and purpose, and get to the heart of what motivates us. It’s a more inspiring place to take action from than when we’re only focused on the what or how.

The next time you feel stuck or frustrated with what you’re working toward, I invite you to remind yourself WHY you are pursuing your goal. As a result, the HOW may just flow a bit more easily.

Secrets of My Success: From Unemployed M.A. to Arts Organization Membership Manager

Alexandra is a 29-year-old New Yorker with an MA in nonprofit management. Once lacking steady employment after completing her degree, she is now a full-time membership manager at an arts organization. Alexandra received a job offer in her field of choice within two months of the last LYJ class. Here are the secrets of her success:

1. How long were you actively jobseeking?

I enrolled in Suzanne’s Love Your Job Search class during a difficult period of transition in my life. I had finished my master’s and after four months intensely applying for work I found seasonal employment. I enjoyed what I did but the small organization I worked for was not able to take me on year round or provide me with benefits. After six months of work, I was unemployed again and was looking for the next step in my career. I was afraid I was going to be forced to move out of the City to find employment and was surrounded by negativity about my job search due to the economy. I thought Suzanne’s class would be a great investment.

2. What was your job search strategy during this period?

The class gave me much needed structure in the weekly meetings and an outlet to talk about shared struggles with other women. It also allowed me to prioritize what was really important to me in my search. Fear, hesitation, and baggage from previous work experience were put aside. I realized that ingenuity and challenge are very important to me in my work place and that my commute and the social and environmental attributes of my work place are almost as important to me as what I do on a day-to-day basis.

During the first few weeks of the class I began to go on many interviews and got to the third interview for several positions. It was difficult to get my hopes up and face eventual rejection, but I tried to stay focused on finding the job that was right for me.

3. How did you ultimately come to obtain your current new job? (Through a friend, cold application)

Within two months of the class ending, I got an interview for my dream job for which I hadn’t even applied. I was referred from a different job for which I was not hired at a related organization. After my interview with my current employer, I called my mom and said this is my job! I was made an offer the next day and accepted.

4. What do you think were the secrets to your success?

I have now been with my current employer about 3 months and enjoy an incredibly fast-paced and challenging work environment, somewhat irregular schedule, a fairly short commute, and good benefits and salary. I have even made a few friends here. I do not think I would have had the same focus, self-reflection, or persistence without Suzanne’s Love Your Job Class being a part of my life. I also think perseverance was a big factor in the result of my job search.

5. What advice do you have for jobseekers out there?

Try to stay positive. There are many stories out there of highly-educated and qualified people who do not find jobs for long periods of time. Remind yourself that those people didn’t necessarily use your approach to job searching or have your skill set or versatility. Find a way to give your job search structure with a partner or class and apply to as many jobs as possible. Decide what is negotiable and what isn’t. Ask friends and use other connections to find out about any jobs in your sector. You can look more efficiently for a job than most people and increase your odds. Remember that you may have to hold out a little longer than you want to find a job, but your persistence will pay off in the end.

Making Peace With the Present

Fill in the blank for this statement: “When XYZ happens, then I will be happy.” When I lose 10 pounds, am in a relationship, or have a certain (usually indeterminable) amount of money all fit the bill. Often it’s when I find a more satisfying or higher-paying job, or for many right now, any job at all.

On an intellectual level I see that it makes sense to be grateful for the present. If I believe happiness is only available at a distant point in the future then I’m wasting the many joys and gifts of this moment. On a more emotional level, that can feel like a bitter pill to swallow when areas of my life are not where I want them to be.

So I’ve been grappling with this question of why it’s hard to accept present circumstances exactly as they are. Here are a few reasons I came up with:

I don’t really want to accept the way things are because then that would mean:
1. I like how they are.
2. I’m complacent and therefore not working hard enough on the circumstances.
3. If I don’t hold onto the situation tightly with vigilance then nothing will change.
4. If I accept the present, including things I’d like to change or am not happy with, then those things will never change.
Under this last theory, pain or unhappiness = motivation toward my goals.
(At the Omega Institute Women and Happiness event, author and speaker Geneen Roth cited a study which said people believe self-criticism equals change.)

Looking at this list objectively, they are clearly voices of an inner critic. Another less harsh, critical and pessimistic voice reminds me that there are cracks in these theories and assumptions. This opens up the possibility of being more compassionate around the areas of my life that are not all fixed up.

As a friend recently said to me, is it possible that both are true? You can be happy now and you will be happier when circumstances have changed.

One area to look at is dating and romance. People want to date and are attracted to happy, contented people. This feels backwards since most people are dating in the first place because they no longer wish be alone. The paradox is when you’re happy with yourself it’s easier to meet someone.

So how do we make peace with the present, knowing it’s in our best interest to do so?
How do we apply that to jobs, jobseeking and loving your life when you may not love your job or even have one? Employers, after all, want to hire happy people and not those down on their luck.

While I may not have all the answers, I’m starting to see the solution involves a softening around the goal, being a kind and good friend to yourself, and feeling deeply your own value and self-worth regardless of your circumstance. These are not simple or easy objectives, especially for those of us with a life-long habit of self-criticism, but they are worth exploring. What internal shifts would this mean for you? How can you relate to your circumstances differently?

The irony of course is that once we accept and make peace with the present, it changes, often in the direction of what we are seeking.

For an additional tool on making peace with the present, see a previous post I wrote featuring an exercise by Martha Beck called Treasuring the Future Now.

On Women and Happiness

I had the honor of participating in the Women and Happiness weekend conference hosted by the Omega Institute in NYC. For those coming to the LYJ blog looking for insights on joy, meaningful work and happiness, here are some of the highlights from one of the main speakers, Brené Brown.

Brené Brown is a Texas research professor and author of The Gifts of Imperfection (which I cannot wait to read). She spoke at length on her work analyzing the characteristics of the “wholehearted”, a group of people she discovered who seemed to live their lives from a place of joy, more so than others.

From research interviews, Brown discovered the following about the “wholehearted”:

• They cultivate self-compassion, and let go of perfectionism.

• They cultivate play and rest, and let go of exhaustion and productivity as a means of self-worth. (The wholehearted fool and piddle around a lot, she said. They play. She cited Stuart Brown’s definition of play as “to spend time without purpose.”)

• They cultivate calm and stillness, and let go of anxiety as a lifestyle.

• They feel a deep sense of love and belonging, mainly by feeling worthy of love and belonging.

• They practice gratitude. She emphasized that gratitude is a “practice” involving a continual commitment.

• They embrace vulnerability. Brown spoke at length on vulnerability and has a viral TED talk on this theme. I highly recommend viewing this and her talk on shame since both offer rich insights. One of my main takeaways was that creativity and innovation are incredibly vulnerable acts. Shame and fear, as part of a workplace or within oneself, stifle creativity and innovation. Honor yourself for “daring greatly.” Overall, Brown has put the spotlight on vulnerability and made us all more thoughtful about its value.

Interestingly, the most highly compassionate people Brown studied had “boundaries like you would not believe.” They said no with abandon. She theorized that when you care for yourself and when you put yourself first, it’s easier to love and be compassionate with others. “Choose discomfort over resentment” is Brown’s new mantra, meaning, choose the brief social discomfort of saying no over a future resentment.

Listening to Brown’s talk, I began to think more about areas of my life and ways of being that perhaps are not serving my overall happiness and well being.

Where can you begin to cultivate more of the qualities of the “wholehearted” to become more kind and compassionate with yourself and joyful at home, in your work and in your community?

Q&A on Resume Writers and Informational Interviews

I received the following questions in my inbox from a younger professional graduating this May with an advanced degree:

Q1. I met someone a few weeks ago who is a resume writer. She gave me her card and encouraged me to contact her. Obviously she was trying to sell her services. So I’m curious, what do you think about spending money on such a service? I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed since I have to do my resume all over with my graduate school focus, so I’m tempted to utilize such services.

Q2. Regarding informational interviews, if you do not actually know the person, do you think it is better to request a phone conversation rather than an in-person interview? For as long as I have had it on my list “to-do,” I don’t think I have ever actually interviewed someone in an informational format.

Here are my responses:

A1. For the resume writer, has she specifically worked on resumes in your field? What are her rates and can you afford them? How does she charge? By the hour, by the project? Does she have a sample resume she has worked on that she can show you? Resume writers are all different. Some resumes I’ve seen that people have worked on are too busy for my taste, others can be great. I do think it’s nice to get extra support especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed. How is the career services office at your school for that? Does your school offer samples of post-graduate school resumes for you to work off of? These are all questions I would ask myself before spending money on a resume writer.

A2. Informational interviews are always great to do in person when possible. You make a MUCH stronger connection when you do a face-to-face. This way when you follow up later, the person has a better sense of you and vice versa. If you can swing a coffee meeting (or offer to go to their office) for 30 minutes that’s ideal. This isn’t always possible though so sometimes a phone call will have to work. Thirty minutes is a good rule of thumb and you can be the one to stick to it. If they offer you more of their time that’s fine but it’s respectful and appreciated if if you keep to the original agreement. See “Favorite Informational Interview Questions” for ideas on what questions to cover.

Feel free to chime in on these questions or email additional ones to lyjnow (at) gmail.com.

Career Lessons Learned in Yoga Class: The Practice of Letting Go

In yoga class, my teacher often leads us through the practice of letting go – controlling our breath, softening places in the body where we hold stress, and building awareness of tension in the body and how to release it. The cumulative effect is designed to feel more spacious, relaxed, and lighter by the time we emerge from class.

It recently struck me that I could do a much better job of carrying this practice off the mat and into my regular daily life. Here are some questions I began to consider:

• What professional stress am I holding onto that I need to release?
• What are the emotions surrounding this source of tension and what are the physical and mental effects?
• What are ways that I can get to the root of this problem to overcome it?
• How might I change my daily habits or attitude to minimize the stress?
• What are other strategies for staying relaxed, focused, and healthy?

If you find that you have something in your career or professional life that is holding on in a negative way, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions and notice what themes emerge. What are ways you can begin the practice of letting go – and moving on – right away?

One Thing a Day Toward a Job You Love

Much earlier on the LYJ blog, I wrote about doing one thing a day toward your career and job search. I went on to develop a handout to use in my classes since many people get overwhelmed by the enormity of a job search and need ideas on where to get started. Breaking the process down into one small action at a time can help move you forward effortlessly.

Here are 30 items from that handout. Print these out and make them your own. Choose seven items on the list below and accomplish them this week. More than seven is great but not necessary. Even on your busiest day or a weekend, choose to take one action. Congratulate yourself for each small step! It truly is the small steps that will start to lead to big positive changes.

1. Contact Person #1 you’ve been meaning to get in touch with.
2. Contact Person #2 you’ve been meaning to get in touch with.
3. Update a past boss on what you’ve been up to and where you’re looking to go.
4. Email one of your mentors and ask to meet for coffee.
5. Sign up for a job website to have job emails delivered to your inbox.
6. Research professional associations in the area you’d like to be working in.
7. Join a professional association.
8. Contact someone in a professional association you’re already in.
9. For women, join Step Up Women’s Network, sign up for their email list, or join a similar organization’s list.
10. Attend a networking event.
11. Sign up for a networking event that is two weeks from now.
12. Clear a pile of papers off your desk to free up mental/physical space.
13. Subscribe to a magazine related to your field of choice.
14. Linked In: Join if not already on. Create a simple profile.
15. Linked In: Add 5 people to your Linked In network.
16. Linked In: Update your profile adding details related to the job you want not the one you have.
17. Linked In: Punch in 3 dream jobs and see who in your network knows someone there. Contact the person you know best and ask to be put in touch.
18. Sign up on a Linked In Group for the field you want to be in; sign up for the next LinkedIn Jobseekers Webinar.
19. Facebook: Clean up your profile to make sure it is professional-friendly.
20. Facebook: Add 3 professional contacts as friends as appropriate.
21. Compose an email to a minimum of 15 people asking them to be on the look-out for job opps for you. (Please see LYJ sample email first before doing this.)
22. Follow up with someone you met a few months ago to let them know your progress.
23. Spend 15 minutes journaling about your dream job.
24. Order a book from the library or online related to your career field of choice.
25. Research listservs related to your career area (by asking friends or contacts already in the field) and add yourself to 1 or 2 lists.
26. Watch 3 videos on RoadtripNation.com of successful people in your area of interest.
27. Tape inspirational quotes from successful people such as the ones on Roadtrip Nation above your desk.
28. Find one small way to “act as if” with the job you want – Example, tell a stranger or acquaintance this is what you do regardless of if you’re doing it yet.
29. Buy (sparkly, sophisticated) notebook to organize your job search and stock up on resume paper.
30. Repair a button on your interviewing suit so that you are ready to meet about a job prospect at a moment’s notice.

Add additional one thing/day items here that would most of most value to now.
31.
32.
33.

Special thanks to Jill Beirne’s Creating Money NY “Do One Thing Daily” email related to personal finance which inspired me to post this list.

Why You May Not Be Getting Results With Your Job Search

If you’ve been looking for a new job for quite some time, and it’s just not happening, here are some suggestions of what might be getting in the way of your success. As the expression states, “If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” Start to take a new approach with your job search and see what new and different results come up.

You’re operating at 20% instead of 80%. When I’m working with a group of job seekers, I can usually predict who is going to get a new position first: the people who build momentum by putting in the time and energy it takes to conduct a full job search campaign. Do an honest self-assessment. If you’re not giving your job search your full attention, you may need to start ramping up your efforts to see results. If you’ve sent only two applications in the past three months, ignored recruiter phone calls, and had only one networking meeting, it’s likely you’re not doing enough on your search. (Note: This is not to be confused with the 80/20 rule mentioned in time management books, which refers to being more efficient in your efforts. What I’m talking about is simply not putting enough effort of any kind into your search.)

You’re doing your job search alone. Jobseeking can be a lonely task. It’s much more productive, and fun, to enlist the support of others. Two women job seekers I know created a 40-Day Challenge for themselves where they committed to sending one job application daily for 40 days. They are holding each other accountable for reaching this goal. I created the LYJ classes around the idea that most of us are more successful when we have support, encouragement, and accountability.

You’re focused on quantity and not quality. You could be sending out 50 applications daily, but if you’re not tailoring your resume and cover letter and doing zero networking, you may be waiting a long time for a response. Effective job searches are about spending quality time on each application, connecting the dots about the match for the specific employer, and using your networks as much as possible.

You are applying for the wrong positions. This indicates a lack of clarity about your strengths, interests, and abilities. Before launching into a job search, it’s important to do an assessment up front of your skills and what you’d like to do next, then see where there are opportunities that match. Even in a tough economy, it’s easier to do a job search when you’re focused and confident about the areas you are pursuing.

You’re not networking, especially not with your target companies. Do you have a list of 10 to 15 target companies? Have you started to tap your network for contacts at these companies before positions are posted? Are you using LinkedIn to build your professional brand and to learn where your contacts are working and in what positions? Have you let people know what you’re looking for? If the answer is no to any of these questions, it’s likely you are not networking enough. Remove your job application from the black hole of 500 other applications by using your networks. This is not optional!

You’re desperate and it shows. Just as nobody wants a date with someone who gives off lonely and needy vibes, no one wants to hire a candidate who is desperate. If your financial situation is dire, you’re not in a very powerful position from which to conduct a job search, especially for better-paid professional level positions. Focus on short-term financial stability first and then continue with your search. Try to adjust your mindset by accepting the present moment, and use daily affirmations to be a positive-minded future employee. This will help dispel any scent of desperation you may unknowingly be giving off.

9 Simple Solutions for Procrastinators by Christine Kane

After researching a wide variety of time management materials for my LYJ classes, I’ve determined that my favorite and most effective resource is a simple article by Christine Kane. I’ve received permission to re-post here on the LYJ blog.

In my class, I have participants read the article aloud. I then ask everyone to go back and circle one or two items on the list that, if implemented, would have the biggest impact on their day and on their goals. Each person gets to share what they picked and why.

Take a look at the nine items below. Which of these would have the biggest impact on your life were you to implement it? Make a commitment to try one out for one month and notice any changes. I’m willing to bet you will begin to see greater results in your job search or other important areas of your life.

9 Simple Solutions for Procrastinators
by Christine Kane

Procrastination isn’t about laziness. It’s about fear. It’s about perfectionism. It’s about overwhelm. We all experience it, and there are some tricks to help you get moving again.

Here are 9 ways to break the procrastination habit:

1 – When you get an idea, do some little thing to begin.

When I read Stephen King’s book On Writing, I noticed something. I noticed that when Stephen King gets an idea, he writes it. Immediately and imperfectly.

Most people get an idea. Then they sit there. They wonder if it’s a good idea. Then, they wonder if it’s a good idea some more. Got an idea? Begin it now!

2 – All hail small chunks of time!

Lots of us complain about having no time. My guess is that we all have lots of time. It just doesn’t happen to be all at once.

Are you waiting for many hours of spare time to begin your idea, your project, or your taxes? Stop waiting! Learn to use the spare half hour that comes up here and there. (I gave myself 45 minutes to write this article just to take my own advice.)

3 – Agree to do it badly.

Set a goal to do it badly. Set a goal to show up. Let go of doing it ALL, or doing it WELL.

Some of my coaching clients’ biggest victories have a lot more to do with getting over perfectionism and fear, than they do about getting it all done perfectly.

4 – Commit aloud.

Call a friend and say something like this: “I’m going to spend the next half hour working on my Law School Essay.” Then go do it.

Call the friend after the half hour and make her congratulate you. Repeat daily.

5 – Define quantities.

Nebulous goals make for nebulous results. “I’m gonna get my office organized” is a lot like saying, “We oughtta do something about Global Warming.”

Most procrastinators have a hard time defining quantities. We think everything needs to be done NOW.
When are you going to do it? For how long? Which part of your office? The file cabinet? Or your desk?

Define the goal and acknowledge its completion.

6 – Install this System Upgrade into your Mental Hard Drive: Less is More.

Have fewer goals. Have no more than three priorities for a week.

Why?

Because you’re not lazy. You’re just trying to do too much.

Find out what it feels like to accomplish one thing instead of not quite getting to everything. Wow – what a difference this makes!

7 – Do it first.

My first coach made me write songs first thing in the morning. He told me to schedule the 2-hour chunk as my first activity upon waking.

Why?

“Because you’re telling the universe that this is your priority. And then the universe lines up everything to align with your priority.”

Action grounds your priorities. It makes them real. It also makes your day easier because you’re not wasting energy thinking about this thing you’re supposed to be doing.

8 – Avoid nose-bleed activities.

Email, voicemail, web stats – any activity that bleeds itself into your whole day becomes a non-activity. It becomes a nose-bleed. When you do it all the time, you never complete it. You just let it slowly drain the very life force from you. Define times for these activities. Then, turn off your email, your cell phone, your web stats, until that time comes.

9 – Don’t ask how you “feel” about doing the activity.

Have you ever committed to getting fit? And then when the alarm goes off, you lie in bed thinking, “Do I really feel like going to the gym?” (Like you even have to ask!)
Change this pattern. Make your decision the night before. Commit to getting up and going right to the gym, the computer, the blank canvas. Don’t have coffee and sigh and think, “I’ll probably feel more like it at lunch time.” You won’t!

If it’s a priority, don’t waste time asking yourself how you feel about doing it. Feelings are an easy out.

Christine Kane is the Mentor to People Who are Changing the World. She helps women and men Uplevel their lives, their businesses and their success. Her weekly Uplevel You eZine goes out to over 20,000 subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can sign up for a F.R.E.E. subscription at http://christinekane.com.

Career Lessons Learned in Yoga Class: Flowing Through Transitions

As we approach a pivotal time of year of transitions with the holidays, Winter Solstice, and the New Year around the corner, it’s an important time to check in and center ourselves amidst a lot of activity. As a yoga teacher recently reminded me in class: flowing through transitions between poses is just as important as arriving at the pose itself.

In yoga – and in life off the mat – there are three key components that help me flow through transitions: breathing, visualizing, and treading lightly.

Remembering the breath and its constant rhythm maintains a continuum throughout yoga practice and is especially important in this busy season of shopping, socializing, traveling, and tying up loose ends. And, when our jobs or job search process becomes stressful or overwhelming, taking some deep breaths can help calm us down and bring peace of mind.

While moving from a downward dog or plank pose to a high lunge, focusing on a spot on my mat where I want my foot to land often helps me reach the intended pose with more ease and grace than if I had been looking elsewhere. When we visualize where we want to go – our dream job, our personal or financial goals – we’re much more likely to get there.

When moving from one pose to the next, especially those that involve my feet, it’s common to hear my weight land with a “thud.” Another yoga teacher once encouraged the class to consider moving as quietly as possible as we transition between poses, landing softly. Increasing our self-awareness about the weight we carry – physical, emotional, and psychological – will help to clarify what burdens we could lift, to tread more lightly. Ultimately, the goal is to flow through these transitions smoothly and successfully instead of focusing only on what happens when we reach the other side.