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Here’s a simple tool for when you find yourself stuck or frustrated with a goal in your life. Shift your focus temporarily from WHAT you want and HOW to get there to WHY you want it.
As an example, a friend of mine, Lindsay Nichols Estes, is working on growing her coaching practice. She re-energized herself with this question of WHY by coming up with the following:
WHY do I want to coach?
I want to coach because I love to help women and people to remember, learn or zero in on what they are passionate about, what they want to use their gifts and talents towards, and then help them to start going in that direction.
WHY do I want to coach?
I love connecting with people, collaborating, and working together on a common task. In this case I’m supporting the client to come up with what works for them, support, encourage and really dig into bite-size steps to make it happen or move through a transition and actually enjoy the process.
WHY do I want to coach?
I want to have the ability to work virtually and to work anywhere so I can support my value of relationship and connect with friends and family all over the world while still providing an awesome income for my family.
When we focus on the WHY, we remind ourselves of our gifts, mission and purpose, and get to the heart of what motivates us. It’s a more inspiring place to take action from than when we’re only focused on the what or how.
The next time you feel stuck or frustrated with what you’re working toward, I invite you to remind yourself WHY you are pursuing your goal. As a result, the HOW may just flow a bit more easily.
Fill in the blank for this statement: “When XYZ happens, then I will be happy.” When I lose 10 pounds, am in a relationship, or have a certain (usually indeterminable) amount of money all fit the bill. Often it’s when I find a more satisfying or higher-paying job, or for many right now, any job at all.
On an intellectual level I see that it makes sense to be grateful for the present. If I believe happiness is only available at a distant point in the future then I’m wasting the many joys and gifts of this moment. On a more emotional level, that can feel like a bitter pill to swallow when areas of my life are not where I want them to be.
So I’ve been grappling with this question of why it’s hard to accept present circumstances exactly as they are. Here are a few reasons I came up with:
I don’t really want to accept the way things are because then that would mean:
1. I like how they are.
2. I’m complacent and therefore not working hard enough on the circumstances.
3. If I don’t hold onto the situation tightly with vigilance then nothing will change.
4. If I accept the present, including things I’d like to change or am not happy with, then those things will never change.
Under this last theory, pain or unhappiness = motivation toward my goals.
(At the Omega Institute Women and Happiness event, author and speaker Geneen Roth cited a study which said people believe self-criticism equals change.)
Looking at this list objectively, they are clearly voices of an inner critic. Another less harsh, critical and pessimistic voice reminds me that there are cracks in these theories and assumptions. This opens up the possibility of being more compassionate around the areas of my life that are not all fixed up.
As a friend recently said to me, is it possible that both are true? You can be happy now and you will be happier when circumstances have changed.
One area to look at is dating and romance. People want to date and are attracted to happy, contented people. This feels backwards since most people are dating in the first place because they no longer wish be alone. The paradox is when you’re happy with yourself it’s easier to meet someone.
So how do we make peace with the present, knowing it’s in our best interest to do so?
How do we apply that to jobs, jobseeking and loving your life when you may not love your job or even have one? Employers, after all, want to hire happy people and not those down on their luck.
While I may not have all the answers, I’m starting to see the solution involves a softening around the goal, being a kind and good friend to yourself, and feeling deeply your own value and self-worth regardless of your circumstance. These are not simple or easy objectives, especially for those of us with a life-long habit of self-criticism, but they are worth exploring. What internal shifts would this mean for you? How can you relate to your circumstances differently?
The irony of course is that once we accept and make peace with the present, it changes, often in the direction of what we are seeking.
For an additional tool on making peace with the present, see a previous post I wrote featuring an exercise by Martha Beck called Treasuring the Future Now.
Much earlier on the LYJ blog, I wrote about doing one thing a day toward your career and job search. I went on to develop a handout to use in my classes since many people get overwhelmed by the enormity of a job search and need ideas on where to get started. Breaking the process down into one small action at a time can help move you forward effortlessly.
Here are 30 items from that handout. Print these out and make them your own. Choose seven items on the list below and accomplish them this week. More than seven is great but not necessary. Even on your busiest day or a weekend, choose to take one action. Congratulate yourself for each small step! It truly is the small steps that will start to lead to big positive changes.
1. Contact Person #1 you’ve been meaning to get in touch with.
2. Contact Person #2 you’ve been meaning to get in touch with.
3. Update a past boss on what you’ve been up to and where you’re looking to go.
4. Email one of your mentors and ask to meet for coffee.
5. Sign up for a job website to have job emails delivered to your inbox.
6. Research professional associations in the area you’d like to be working in.
7. Join a professional association.
8. Contact someone in a professional association you’re already in.
9. For women, join Step Up Women’s Network, sign up for their email list, or join a similar organization’s list.
10. Attend a networking event.
11. Sign up for a networking event that is two weeks from now.
12. Clear a pile of papers off your desk to free up mental/physical space.
13. Subscribe to a magazine related to your field of choice.
14. Linked In: Join if not already on. Create a simple profile.
15. Linked In: Add 5 people to your Linked In network.
16. Linked In: Update your profile adding details related to the job you want not the one you have.
17. Linked In: Punch in 3 dream jobs and see who in your network knows someone there. Contact the person you know best and ask to be put in touch.
18. Sign up on a Linked In Group for the field you want to be in; sign up for the next LinkedIn Jobseekers Webinar.
19. Facebook: Clean up your profile to make sure it is professional-friendly.
20. Facebook: Add 3 professional contacts as friends as appropriate.
21. Compose an email to a minimum of 15 people asking them to be on the look-out for job opps for you. (Please see LYJ sample email first before doing this.)
22. Follow up with someone you met a few months ago to let them know your progress.
23. Spend 15 minutes journaling about your dream job.
24. Order a book from the library or online related to your career field of choice.
25. Research listservs related to your career area (by asking friends or contacts already in the field) and add yourself to 1 or 2 lists.
26. Watch 3 videos on RoadtripNation.com of successful people in your area of interest.
27. Tape inspirational quotes from successful people such as the ones on Roadtrip Nation above your desk.
28. Find one small way to “act as if” with the job you want – Example, tell a stranger or acquaintance this is what you do regardless of if you’re doing it yet.
29. Buy (sparkly, sophisticated) notebook to organize your job search and stock up on resume paper.
30. Repair a button on your interviewing suit so that you are ready to meet about a job prospect at a moment’s notice.
Add additional one thing/day items here that would most of most value to now.
31.
32.
33.
Special thanks to Jill Beirne’s Creating Money NY “Do One Thing Daily” email related to personal finance which inspired me to post this list.
After researching a wide variety of time management materials for my LYJ classes, I’ve determined that my favorite and most effective resource is a simple article by Christine Kane. I’ve received permission to re-post here on the LYJ blog.
In my class, I have participants read the article aloud. I then ask everyone to go back and circle one or two items on the list that, if implemented, would have the biggest impact on their day and on their goals. Each person gets to share what they picked and why.
Take a look at the nine items below. Which of these would have the biggest impact on your life were you to implement it? Make a commitment to try one out for one month and notice any changes. I’m willing to bet you will begin to see greater results in your job search or other important areas of your life.
9 Simple Solutions for Procrastinators
by Christine Kane
Procrastination isn’t about laziness. It’s about fear. It’s about perfectionism. It’s about overwhelm. We all experience it, and there are some tricks to help you get moving again.
Here are 9 ways to break the procrastination habit:
1 – When you get an idea, do some little thing to begin.
When I read Stephen King’s book On Writing, I noticed something. I noticed that when Stephen King gets an idea, he writes it. Immediately and imperfectly.
Most people get an idea. Then they sit there. They wonder if it’s a good idea. Then, they wonder if it’s a good idea some more. Got an idea? Begin it now!
2 – All hail small chunks of time!
Lots of us complain about having no time. My guess is that we all have lots of time. It just doesn’t happen to be all at once.
Are you waiting for many hours of spare time to begin your idea, your project, or your taxes? Stop waiting! Learn to use the spare half hour that comes up here and there. (I gave myself 45 minutes to write this article just to take my own advice.)
3 – Agree to do it badly.
Set a goal to do it badly. Set a goal to show up. Let go of doing it ALL, or doing it WELL.
Some of my coaching clients’ biggest victories have a lot more to do with getting over perfectionism and fear, than they do about getting it all done perfectly.
4 – Commit aloud.
Call a friend and say something like this: “I’m going to spend the next half hour working on my Law School Essay.” Then go do it.
Call the friend after the half hour and make her congratulate you. Repeat daily.
5 – Define quantities.
Nebulous goals make for nebulous results. “I’m gonna get my office organized” is a lot like saying, “We oughtta do something about Global Warming.”
Most procrastinators have a hard time defining quantities. We think everything needs to be done NOW.
When are you going to do it? For how long? Which part of your office? The file cabinet? Or your desk?
Define the goal and acknowledge its completion.
6 – Install this System Upgrade into your Mental Hard Drive: Less is More.
Have fewer goals. Have no more than three priorities for a week.
Why?
Because you’re not lazy. You’re just trying to do too much.
Find out what it feels like to accomplish one thing instead of not quite getting to everything. Wow – what a difference this makes!
7 – Do it first.
My first coach made me write songs first thing in the morning. He told me to schedule the 2-hour chunk as my first activity upon waking.
Why?
“Because you’re telling the universe that this is your priority. And then the universe lines up everything to align with your priority.”
Action grounds your priorities. It makes them real. It also makes your day easier because you’re not wasting energy thinking about this thing you’re supposed to be doing.
8 – Avoid nose-bleed activities.
Email, voicemail, web stats – any activity that bleeds itself into your whole day becomes a non-activity. It becomes a nose-bleed. When you do it all the time, you never complete it. You just let it slowly drain the very life force from you. Define times for these activities. Then, turn off your email, your cell phone, your web stats, until that time comes.
9 – Don’t ask how you “feel” about doing the activity.
Have you ever committed to getting fit? And then when the alarm goes off, you lie in bed thinking, “Do I really feel like going to the gym?” (Like you even have to ask!)
Change this pattern. Make your decision the night before. Commit to getting up and going right to the gym, the computer, the blank canvas. Don’t have coffee and sigh and think, “I’ll probably feel more like it at lunch time.” You won’t!
If it’s a priority, don’t waste time asking yourself how you feel about doing it. Feelings are an easy out.
Christine Kane is the Mentor to People Who are Changing the World. She helps women and men Uplevel their lives, their businesses and their success. Her weekly Uplevel You eZine goes out to over 20,000 subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can sign up for a F.R.E.E. subscription at http://christinekane.com.
In my LYJ (Love Your Job) Search Class, I like to provide participants with a list of affirmations to choose from while we’re working together. Affirmations can be powerful tools to make sure your inner mindset matches your external actions. If the voice in your head is telling you it’s a terrible economy, there are no jobs anywhere, and you’ll never find the right job for you, it’s time to start replacing those thoughts with positive ones. Take 5 index cards and write out your favorite affirmations to review in the morning and before going to sleep. For maximum effect, pick one to write 10x per day for 30 days. Here are affirmations to get you started:
I NOW HAVE CRYSTAL CLEAR CLARITY ON THE JOB OF MY DREAMS.
DOORS ARE FLYING OPEN FOR ME EVERYWHERE I GO.
I HAVE A NEW JOB BY SEPTEMBER 1, AND IT’S FUN! (OR JANUARY 1, ETC.)
WONDERFUL, LUCRATIVE JOB OPPORTUNITIES ARE OPENING FOR ME EVERYWHERE.
I NOW HAVE AN EXCITING ENGAGING CAREER.
I NOW RELEASE ___________ JOB (WITH LOVE) AND MAKE SPACE FOR MY NEXT NEW EXCITING OPPORTUNITY.
I NOW LET GO AND TRUST ALL THINGS ARE COMING TOGETHER FOR ME.
I DESERVE MEANINGFUL FULFILLING WORK THAT PAYS ME WELL TOO AND IT IS COMING TO ME NOW.
I HAVE A POWERFUL UNWAVERING BELIEF IN MYSELF.
THE PERFECT JOB IS LOOKING FOR ME, AND WE ARE BEING BROUGHT TOGETHER NOW.
For those who find networking to be difficult, as many people do, here are a few around that:
NETWORKING IS EASY FOR ME.
I FEEL ENTITLED AND DESERVING OF RECEIVING HELP WITH MY JOB SEARCH.
PEOPLE LOVE HELPING ME WITH MY JOB SEARCH.
IT’S EASY FOR ME TO ASK FOR WHAT I NEED.
I LOVE NETWORKING.
For more on affirmations, see the websites of Louise Hay, Shakti Gawain and Jennifer Macaluso-Gilmore.
Do you know what thoughts and beliefs are unconsciously sabotaging your career dreams? Discover your career fear, the biggest free-floating anxiety churning through your mind. The scenario you want to avoid. Flip the fear around and create a powerful statement that affirms its opposite.
I recently asked LYJ client Marina to look five years into the future and name the situation she didn’t want to find herself in. She described a state of aimlessness, where she was without a solid skill or profession because she hadn’t lived up to her potential. This was her worst-case scenario. I asked her to flip this around and think of what the best-case scenario might be. Marina then described: “In five years, I’m realizing my potential. I’ve cultivated a skill set, doing work I enjoy that fulfills me. I’m on a path to advancement, and am able to support myself financially and securely.” The new version is a much more powerful vision and suggests actions to take.
In my early twenties, when I was unclear about my career path and lacking in confidence, I went through similar exercises in Jinny Ditzler’s Your Best Year Yet. The exercises ultimately helped me create a career affirmation, which read: “I know exactly what I want to do with my life, and I have the necessary tools to go do it.” Did I totally believe this? Not at the time. But when I pulled out the affirmation (or new paradigm as Ditzler calls it) many years later, I realized that within six months of writing it, I had secured a job that had put me on my path toward doing meaningful work.
Once you unearth your career fear and flip it around into a positive statement, print it out and display it where you can regularly see it. Your new statement will nourish new thoughts that will help you take active steps toward a meaningful career.
Women love to help others, but often find it difficult to ask for help themselves. But if you’re looking for a new job, it’s time to get over that fear: Enlisting others in the hunt is much more effective than going at it alone.
The easiest way to begin is to send a friendly (read: not desperate) email to your friends and former colleagues asking for job leads and professional contacts. While this can be scary, I’ve found that almost everyone who musters up the courage to ask for help reports back positive results.
Not sure where to begin? There are some basic do’s and don’ts of asking your network for help—for example, do ask about informational interviews, don’t send a broadcast email with your résumé. The key is to be specific: the more details you provide, the easier it is for others to help you. Include the names of actual companies you might want to work for and corresponding job functions.
The template below is a great place to start. After you’ve filled in your own specifics and adapted it to your circumstances, send the email out in bcc format to your broad network of trusted friends and acquaintances. Don’t, however, include former bosses, higher-level mentors, or people who you know have connections at your dream companies. To those people, send an individual, more personalized message.
Sample Email
Subject: “Need a Favor” or “Seeking New Opportunity”
Dear friends and colleagues:
I hope this email finds you well.
I am reaching out to ask for your help with any leads or contacts toward finding a great job in [insert your city]. As many of you know, I have been [summarize your education, experience, or current job title], which has helped me to [list specific skills you have gained or milestones you have achieved].
Now, I am interested in finding a position at an organization or company where I can [state your goals].
I am interested in speaking with someone who can provide insight into a position as a [note desired position], especially at [specify type of company], though I would also be interested in [list secondary companies of interest] in [insert your city]. I would like something that emphasizes [note sample job functions, like writing, marketing, or sales] in a [describe your ideal working environment, such as collaborative or creative] atmosphere. If you have any leads or connections that you might be able to share with me, I would greatly appreciate it.
Please also feel free to forward me any [list desired types of job, such as full-time, part-time, or freelance] job postings or opportunities that come across your radar during the next [state your desired job search time frame]. Below I have included a list of my previous experience, as well as several “dream” organizations. I am also happy to forward my résumé if it would be helpful.
Thank you in advance for your help. Please contact me if you have any suggestions or require additional information. I hope to catch up with you individually soon!
Best wishes,
[Your Name]
[Your Phone Number]
[Your Email Address]
[Any other relevant contact information, such as website, LinkedIn page, or Twitter handle]
Previous Work Experience:
* Company 1 – Short description of company (if not well known), your title, and brief details on your role
* Company 2 – Same as above
* Company 3 – Same as above
Educational Background:
* Degree 1
* Degree 2
* Related organizations or accomplishments
Ideal Position:
* Title / job function example 1 (Marketing Assistant, etc.)
* Title / job function example 2
* Title / job function example 3
Dream Organizations:
(There are countless companies out there doing great work, and I am open to all suggestions; below are just some of the types of organizations I am currently pursuing.)
1. Organization Type 1 focused on [insert more detailed explanation here].
Examples include:
* Example 1
* Example 2
* Example 3 or more
2. Organization Type 2 focused on [insert more detailed explanation here].
Examples include:
* Example 1
* Example 2
* Example 3 or more
3. Organization Type 3 focused on [insert more detailed explanation here].
Examples include:
* Example 1
* Example 2
* Example 3 or more
Consulting Expertise:
I would be open to freelance or consulting work in the following areas:
* Specialized skill you possess 1
* Specialized skill you possess 2
* Specialized skill you possess 3
Even if no one responds right away, trust that it’s been read and registered. (And know that next month, when that job at your dream company comes across your former colleague’s radar, you will be the first person she thinks of!) Armed with your network, you’ll be spending much less time browsing online job boards and much more getting applications out the door.
This post originally appeared on Pretty Young Professional: Smart Content for Smart Women.
When my LYJ (Love Your Job) Search class starts on Monday, I will be asking participants to draft a description of their ideal job. The clarity that results from this exercise can be extremely helpful. It allows people to better articulate what they are looking for and creates a level of focus for their searches.
If you would like to try this exercise, know that you can tear it up and re-write the whole thing at any moment. Understand that nothing you’re writing is set in stone and just allow yourself to freely imagine a variety of possibilities. Include a list of 10 possible dream companies after you have written your description. This is a key part of the exercise especially as you begin to share what you’re looking for with others. Here is the assignment with a sample from an LYJ alumna to get you started:
Write a one-page proposal of your ideal work setting. Title the document, YourName’s Dream Job, Inc. This should include location, lighting, space, hours, people, boss, leadership, types of projects you get to work on, subject matter, types of activities. At the bottom, list 10 potential companies/organizations that would be a dream to work at.
SAMPLE LYJ DREAM JOB DESCRIPTION:
MAIN ACTIVITIES
Write everyday. Research latest news topics and developments in my field, including news sources, medical and health journals, blogs. Analyze policy developments for their potential impact in my field. Speak about the mission and activities of my organization/company to potential investors or media.
PURPOSE
Responsible, progressive national and state policy. Social justice. Environmental justice. Promoting health. Evaluating areas for improvement in health programming. Advancing health technology and/or access.
SUPERVISION
Work closely with one main mentor/supervisor under minimal supervision. Weekly one-on-one meetings to discuss progress, suggestions, questions, next steps. Mentor/supervisor offers constructive criticism and praise freely and simply. Daily working environment does not include check-ins or micromanaging, but rather is a relationship of mutual trust to work simultaneously and separately in a coordinated fashion. Independence.
LOCATION
New York, NY. Beautiful section of the city with healthy, affordable lunch spots and nearby green space. Reasonably close to where I live / reasonable commute. Clean, open, modern building with plants, lots of natural light, and sustainable materials. Office with a door and big desk. Gym onsite!
SALARY
Although in a “dream” type situation, the sky is the limit, salary for this description would be enough for me to comfortably pay back my monthly student loan payments, have a nice one-bedroom apartment, maintain my current lifestyle (buying good food, traveling occasionally, updating wardrobe, not panicking at Christmas time), investing in my retirement fund, and salary for upward mobility in my field.
HOURS
About 9 to 5, give or take some flexibility. Option to work from home. Shorter summertime hours, longer winter hours. Hours may change to avoid monotony. Work days vary in intensity and tasks.
PEOPLE / COLLEAGUES
Motivated, educated colleagues with high drive and excellent interpersonal communication skills. Organized, timely people who also laugh and see the lighter side of things. People who are healthy and have active lives outside of work, but who also give their all for their positions which they believe in. Equal mix of men and women.
ENVIRONMENT
Team-oriented environment, with weekly team meetings but otherwise independent working environment. Culture of the organization: goal and social change oriented, forward thinking, streamlined efficiency.
WORK / LIFE BALANCE
Organization will place a high level of commitment to employees maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Generous vacation time and personal days, which can be taken without fear or feeling of reprimand.
REAL LIFE COMPANIES / ORGANIZATIONS
I WOULD WANT TO WORK FOR
Google
Planned Parenthood
World Health Organization
Lululemon Athletica (higher position or creative team)
Reproductive Health Technologies Project
President Obama
Global Health Strategies
Last weekend, I attended a special yoga workshop focused on the seasonal transition between winter and spring. We reflected on the past couple of months while simultaneously preparing for spring. Interestingly enough, the special focus was on cleansing and activating kidney energy, the body part associated with winter. We set intentions for what we hope to accomplish this spring, planting the metaphorical seeds in our practice.
I often derive career inspiration from yoga in addition to much-needed relaxation and alignment necessary for a work-life balance (see “Career Lessons Learned in Yoga Class: The Concept of ‘No Ambition’”). In setting my intention for spring, I focused on my communication and listening skills. My goals are to listen even more actively, to cut the additional “clutter” that comes with multi-tasking during conversations, and to have more focused and efficient conversations.
What is one intention you might set for spring? How can you start putting it into practice right away?
Jen Bird
Suzanne Grossman
Nicole Lisa
Alyssa Best
